Rape is one of those things that is mentioned from time to time when you’re growing up.
You’re occasionally taught how to defend yourself in case someone tries to “man handle you.”
You’re not told that it happens to men and women.
You probably don’t realize that it happens to one in 6 women.
You also probably don’t realize that someone gets raped every two minutes, well technically every 109 seconds.
They aren’t reported nearly as often as they happen.
It is one of those things you have knowledge about but you don’t think it’ll ever happen to you.
Until it does.
Then you don’t even know how to handle the situation.
Shocked.
Stunned.
In constant disbelief.
“Did that really happen?”
“It couldn’t have.”
“I’m a nice girl, who would do that to me?”
“Am I supposed to tell someone?”
Those thoughts whirl around your head seconds afterwards.
Minutes afterwards.
Hours.
Days.
Weeks.
Months.
Maybe even years.
I am a victim.
I am a victim of rape.
I am still a girl.
A daughter.
A sister.
I’m all of those things FIRST and FOREMOST before being a victim of rape.
It doesn’t define me.
It is not who I am.
I still get up and go to work.
I live my day to day life.
Just by looking at someone, you would never be able to tell whether or not they have been raped or not.
It takes a lot of courage to tell loved ones.
Tears.
Heartache.
Anger.
Disbelief.
“That couldn’t have happened to my baby girl.”
“Who would do such a thing?”
A frequent question is “what were you wearing?”
It doesn’t matter.
It does not matter if I had clothes on or not.
Or if my clothes were provoking.
Or if I was in sweats or lingerie.
It doesn’t matter what I was wearing.
I just so happened to be wearing my work out clothes for I had gone to the gym that day.
I didn’t even shower in between.
Another one “why didn’t you fight back?”
Sure I was given ways to protect myself.
Was I taught how to get out of a situation if I was pinned to the bed with my legs spread apart?
No.
Did I expect to be put in that situation that night?
Hell no.
Did it happen?
Yes.
Did I ask for it?
Absolutely not.
Was it my fault?
Definitely not.
The victim is never at fault.
It doesn’t matter if they consented once or multiple times before.
Once “no” or “stop” are said, it’s over.
If someone keeps going from that point, it becomes rape.
Married, dating, or a stranger.
Once someone says “no” or “stop” it needs to end there.
We should be taught how to respect others words.
We still should be taught to defend ourselves.
But more importantly, we need to teach and learn to respect what someone wants.
Enough with the pressure.
Enough with the persistency.
No means no.
Rape is a real thing.
I don’t wish it upon anyone.
Not even him.
Not even my worst enemy.
It messes with your trust.
Your mental stability.
Your ability to go places and do things.
Anxiety starts.
50 days later and I still can’t go anywhere without having some sort of anxiety.
Am I upset that this happened?
Of course.
But I don't get to go back and change it.
However, I want to prevent this from happening to other people.
I want to end this silence.
Talk to your kids about it.
Not just your daughters.
Your sons too.
Tell them that no means no.
Reach out.
If this post prevents one person from being raped, it'll be worth every tear.
Every last one.
